Update on Round 3

Well, it's been a while since I've done a post so I figured I'd catch everyone up on how things are going. Suffice it to say, it gets harder with each round. I'm six days out right now and still feel kind of crummy. I had a really rough time early Saturday morning, almost to where I wanted Dave to take me to the E/R. I think my white counts were at their lowest then and I could just feel every ache and pain inside me times 100. It was just horrible, I don't want to go into details, but trust me, I could feel everything happening inside me and it felt like my insides were on fire...now it's Monday night and I'm still not back to feeling "normal"...I can't wait to feel normal again.

Although I'm half-way through with my chemo, I feel like everything is hitting me at once. Maybe I've suppressed some of my feelings, but I just had a pity party this time around. I want my hair back, I'm tired of cancer, of being the "family with cancer", of just not being normal. My sister put it this way, "Get used to your new normal". Well, I want the old normal back. I guess we'll never have the old normal. After getting diagnosed with cancer and dealing with it, going through the treatments and living with the scars of it, life will never be like it used to be. I know that we'll get through this, I'm just so ready for it to be over.

It's ok for me to feel like this, it's got to be...dealing with all the emotions is just exhausting and I wish I didn't have to process all of this. I need to though, to work through it and understand how I can be a better person because of it. I do know for a fact that so many people care for us, are praying for us and that we've got great friends, family and neighbors. Also, it could be a lot worse. Dave and I often remind ourselves, although our situation is not "normal", we're fortunate in that either of our cancers could have been so much worse. There are so many people that aren't as lucky as we are, to have insurance, a company that supports and believes in us and cares about us, to have doctors that are awesome available to us, that we're going to be SURVIVORS and that we're making it through our treatments rather unscathed.

I still don't know how Dave made it through the chemo that he went through. I get a fraction of the amount he'd receive and I feel like crap. I know he had some rough times, but really, I don't know how he made it through. I just truly hope and pray that a cure for cancer can be found during our lifetime that won't require chemo. Chemo just plain stinks...I wouldn't wish it on anybody...ever.

So, I guess getting this stuff "out on the table" is good for the soul. I know I'm on the upswing and look forward to the days that I don't have "tummy troubles". I look forward to feeling good again and have my wits about me. Chemo-brain and chemical-induced menopause aren't a good match...aye yae yae, good thing I have 3 guys in my house that love me a lot! Well, that's all for now...take care.